swordmage | Musical Hatred

Just got back from photographing the first act of the school production of The Music Man. And may I state how much I hate this particular production?

It's not the costumes. It's not the set. It's not the actors. It's not entirely the music itself. But that book and those lyrics...

Harold:
No wide-eyed, eager,
Wholesome innocent Sunday school teacher for me.
That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever--
Listen, boy--
A girl who trades on all that purity
Merely wants to trade my independence for her security.
The only affirmative she will file
Refers to marching down the aisle.
No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess--
No sir!
For no Diana do I play faun.
I can tell you that right now.
I snarl, I hiss: How can ignorance be compared to bliss?
I spark, I fizz for the lady who knows what time it is.
I cheer, I rave for the virtue I'm too late to save
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me.
No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby-doll baby
Not for me.
That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew.
I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance.
No dewy young miss
Who keeps resisting all the time she keeps insisting!
No wide-eyed, wholesome innocent female.
No sir.
Why, she's the fisherman, I'm the fish you see?--PLOP!
I flinch, I shy, when the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin, when the gal with a touch of sin walks in.
I hope, and I pray, for a Hester to win just one more "A"
The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me.
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me.

I wanted to scream.

It's insipid. And sickly-sweet. Don't get me wrong, our Hill is a wonderful actor, but I can't help but feel that he'd be a much better Sweeney Todd. Or Jack. And our Marian Paroo (oh the horror of the names...) isn't half-bad herself. Even if she tries to sound like an opera soprano.

But the lyrics... Never have I felt such utter loathing and hatred for a musical. The story doesn't do much for me either. Spunky-young-(educated)-woman-who-doesn't-want-to-marry-a-man-who'll-make-her-give-up-all-she's-done meets (and eventually falls for) con-man-with-a-heart-of-gold-who-sees-the-error-in-his-ways-thanks-to-the-residents-of-a-small-town.

Horrors.

And I've got to sit through it again on Thurday. The entire production.

Damn it-now I need to find my copy of Sweeney Todd and blast it.