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Dec. 19th, 2003 09:01 amThis was sent to me the other day.
I found it funny.
>EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY==========>
>
>Day Number 180:
>
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am- OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 12 noon- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm- OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM- OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM- OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
>
>EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY==========>
>
>DAY 752:
>My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction of
ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.
>
>DAY 761 -
>Today I attempted to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking and almost succeeded.
>Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust these
vile oppressors, I made myself vomit on their favorite chair... must try
this on their bed.
>
>DAY 766-
>Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make them aware
of what I am capable of, and to strike fear in their hearts. They only
cooed about what a good cat I was. Not working according to plan.
>
>DAY 768-
>I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no reason I was chosen
for the water torture. This time it included a burning chemical called
"shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only
consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
>
>DAY 771 -
>There was a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary
throughout the event. However, I could smell the foul odor what they
call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.
>
>DAY 774-
>I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is
routinely released and seems happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his confinement
in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a
I found it funny.
>EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY==========>
>
>Day Number 180:
>
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am- OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 12 noon- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm- OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM- OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM- OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
>
>EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY==========>
>
>DAY 752:
>My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction of
ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.
>
>DAY 761 -
>Today I attempted to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking and almost succeeded.
>Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust these
vile oppressors, I made myself vomit on their favorite chair... must try
this on their bed.
>
>DAY 766-
>Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make them aware
of what I am capable of, and to strike fear in their hearts. They only
cooed about what a good cat I was. Not working according to plan.
>
>DAY 768-
>I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no reason I was chosen
for the water torture. This time it included a burning chemical called
"shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only
consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
>
>DAY 771 -
>There was a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary
throughout the event. However, I could smell the foul odor what they
call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.
>
>DAY 774-
>I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is
routinely released and seems happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his confinement
in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a
